Saturday, July 10, 2010
I'm having a really bad day today. I feel like I'm not going to make it. My mom is coming home today, but that actually scares me. I will have to talk about what is going on and I just don't want to. I had a couple of hours of uncontrollable crying this morning. I stoped but could start again at the drop of a hat. I'm just kinda rambling because I hurt so much! I need to voice that hurt so please bear with the rambling. I feel like I should have felt this way when I left but I didn't. It seams to be worse now. I'm not sleeping my stumic is turning and my heart hurts. Now I'm crying again. I feel so alone and lonely that I don't even think being with people would help. I have felt so lonely for such a long time, I can't remember what it felt like to not be. I have great friends, family and kids but even when I'm with them I still feel the same way. I think I have been beaten down for so long and I am now starting to realize that I need some help to get through this. I cant do it alone.
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Yeah, you'll make it. It will get easier. And you'll have plenty more shitty days too, but it will get better. Call me if you need ANYTHING.
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Clara
It is hard! You will have these days. You may have many more but they will start to get better. You will think you are making the wrong decision. You will feel that it really wasn't so bad. You will like you should try harder. You have done everything that you know to do and nothing has changed. You need to first and foremost take care of yourself. You cannot be the mom we all know you want to be if you don't focus on you right now. Do you still go to that therapist? It would probably be the best thing for you to do to help you get through this.
ReplyDeleteJulia, it is hard! No other way to put it. Your whole life has been turned upside down and inside out. You ARE making the RIGHT decision for you and the boys. Be strong! You can make it through this!
Good for you. You have been abused Julia. give yourself some room to hurt about that. But yes, you should get into some counseling so someone can help you work through all of this. But you are going to be ok. When you are at your lowest, repeat those words.
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